‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not an electron was whirling, not even the computer mouse;

The printed stockings were hung on the wall by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be showing up there;

The computer geeks were all nestled snug in their beds;

While visions of iPads danced in their heads;

And the chief geek in her bed with an iPad in her hands and I with my cell phone,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s session of staying at home,

When out on the street there arose such a noise,

I sprang from my bed to see who was the making such a commotion,

Away went the curtain to see a flash of motion,

Tore open the window and looked out into street to see what to me was a car in the act of locomotion.

The moon shined bright on the new fallen snow,

Gave a bright view of midday to the vehicle below,

When what to my amazed eyes did appear,

But a miniature sleigh driven by a tiny reindeer,

Along with a little old man so lively and quick,

I knew by Googling him he must be St. Nick.

More rapid than an old VW Bug he drove away and shouted by name:

Now where is Dasher! Where is Dancer! What happened to Prancer and Vixen!

Where has Comet gone! Cupid come! Donner and Blitzen where are you!

Down the road they went! Just missing a wall!

Now as they dashed away! He shouts “come one and all to the mall!”

As they leave like a hurricane they fly,

When they met with an obstacle, the local constable did they spy;

So around him they go off to the mall

With the sleigh full of electronics, and St. Nicholas too-

And then, in a twinkling, I heard a shout from the roof

The prancing and pawing of each big hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the internet cable came St.   Nicholas without a sound.

He was dressed all in fake fur, from his head to his toes,

And his clothes were singed from contact with the power lines down to his bottom of his clothes;

A bundle of electronics he had in his backpack,

And he looked like a Best Buyer as he opened his sack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples, a delight!

His cheeks glowed red like miniature LEDs, his nose like a recharge lite,

His droll little mouth was smiling as if he were all aglow,

And the beard on his chin was as white as the driven snow;

He had a broad face and a big round belly he seemed to be a rather odd fellow

His belly shook when he laughed, like a bowl of Jello.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old self,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He texted me a “Ho-Ho-Ho” and went to straight to his work,

And tried to fill all the printed stockings; turned to me and called me a jerk,

And holding up his middle finger,

And giving me the salute, with not need to linger;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his driver he gave a whistle,

And away they all flew down the street like a guided missile.

But I heard the constable shout, “Stop in the name of the law!”,

Yet they did not heed him. But instead gave a big guffaw.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight-

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

My apologizes to Clement Clarke Moore and to everyone a very Happy Christmas. And for those who do not celebrate Christmas, a Happy Hanukah!

That is my opinion- Jumpin Jersey Mike